【10.16】

i will never get your bother anymore,
i will never get your concerned anymore,
i will never get your nervousness anymore......when i din reply your message....


what's goin on with me ? i dont know.....
i felt that im the one who make it all happen....
i wont blame anyone....because im the one who troublesome...

i want to bring the situation back ....but i knew i failed...
what should i do?
sometimes i think back things that i've done,
i realize that,
im the one who make bad things happen between us...

he's the one who take care of me,
he's the one who try his best to make me happy,
but im the one who keep hurting on him....

all these i knew..
i treat you badly..

i remembered,
you called me when you already fall asleep,
you asked me....''what you want me to be?''
i cant answer..
you continued....'' when i said i want to study, you're not happy, and when i said i want to work, you're not happy too, what you want me to be actually? huh!?''
in that moment, i knew, i had make you lost...
im sorry.

 your words knocked me out...
and i was searching answer of  your question for myself....
-what i want you to be?
-why i keep giving you trouble?
-why i always mad on you ?
-why im not satisfied on you ?
-why why why ....?
blaaa blaaa blaaa... i cant find the answer.....


real life......

i dont know......
i hate myself...because i hate myself!

[i want it all!] this word always appear on my mind...
yes i wan it all....but...what i wan actually? ><"

i hav to sacrifice someone if i want to get something?
or could it be said that i must follow as the story "looking for a  rain god'?

haiz....==''

what i want to be and what i want him to be?

i want a man with a BMW!!!!!!!!!!
i want a man with a LAMBOGHINI!!!!!!!!!!!
i want a man with his ROLEX!!!!!!!!
i want a man with his damn BIG HOUSE!!!!!!!!

and i know, it was IMPOSSIBLE to me ...
so,
i just want normal man
i want to be with him as long as i can...
i want a mature him...
i want a man who knows me....
i want a man who can make me feel happy..
i want a man who can buy what i want...
these is all i wan ... rea-li-ty...